You Are in This Together.

Belly big and full of baby, Jon and I headed out on our Lamaze Getaway Weekend. I was already well familiarized with the childbirth material we covered that weekend and Lamaze was not the technique I would end up using in labor, but the experience itself felt ceremonial. It was a lovely bonding experience for Jon and I and with the other couples there also about to give birth for the first time.

At some point during the retreat, Rosalys, our birth educator, told us to make sure we carve out some time for one another every day once the baby arrives. Even if it is to take a quick moment when seeing each other for the first time after a long day: pause, make eye contact, say hello, give each other a kiss. I held onto this bit of information not realizing how valuable it truly is.

When a new baby enters into your life for the very first time it rocks your world. Tired and taxed beyond belief, you have to reestablish roles and expectations within your relationship. Any unresolved issues are sure to bubble to the surface and will have to be reexamined and finally dealt with. While this is happening, you are feeding, changing, soothing a baby and potentially feel like you want to scream. But that might wake the baby.

Becoming a parent is hard work and tending to your relationship is a significant part of the process. I remember Jon wanting me to "come back to him" when I would spend so much of the night with the baby and me feeling like I had no idea how to. I remember feeling so exhausted tending to the baby all day and not wanting to burden Jon after his long day so I would keep on tending. Undoubtedly, my struggle would bubble to the surface, and Jon was ready to help and support me in any way possible.

I learned in my study of yoga that it is better to practice a little bit every day than to practice at length once a week. So more important than the once a week date night that we never seemed to regularly pull off (although I highly recommend it), take that minute to check in with one another when seeing each other for the first time since maybe the morning. Look at one another in the eye. Know that you are in this together. You are there for one another.