The Dream

I had a vivid dream one night while I was pregnant. In the dream, relatives and ancestors on my father's side were seated around a long oval dining room table made of dark wood. Things appeared very animated at the table but there was no sound. The style of dress and hair were detailed and the colors vibrant. I only see vibrant color like this in my dreams when the people and animals present are no longer living. I find that fascinating.

I woke suddenly and was wide awake. The dream had sent me a message. I shook Jon awake and declared, "I just had a dream that I am supposed to name my first baby Lewis".

Sharing the details of this dream with my father, he told me he had an Uncle Lewis, who died some years ago. Apparently, Lewis had done some things that his family never forgave him for. Given the nature of the dream, I took this as a sign that he was trying to reach me as a way to have his name re-birthed, cleansed.

I began to think Lewis was a beautiful name. And I assumed this experience meant that I was having a baby boy, although I did not know for sure. I secretly wanted a baby girl, but I would feel soulfully terrible if baby Lewis ever found that out, so I kept it to myself.

Flash forward to so many hours in labor and pure exhaustion. I neared my final push and my husband Jon was signaled to get ready to call out the gender. "It's a boy", he declared as the baby was quickly brought to my chest. My doula helped attach my baby to my breast. Exhausted and in bliss, I looked up at Jon and said, "Should we name him Lewis?"

Wristbands were slapped on mom, dad and baby: Baby Boy Simmons. Shortly after, the midwife came to check on the baby. She pulls the blanket away to have a peek, she looks up at Jon, their eyes lock and she says "that's a vagina."

We are told whatever we do, do not leave this room. You see, if anyone were to find us with a baby girl when it said we had a boy, there would be trouble. Apparently, this had never happened at the hospital before and it was not an easy fix in the system.

After some hours, they were finally able to correct the file. New wristbands with Baby Girl Simmons were placed on our wrists and we were moved to the post delivery room. To this day, Jon and I are still surprised no one confirmed his call of the gender. He had never seen a baby being born: the cord, the bloody mess, baby quickly placed on my chest, all of us so broken down and exhausted.

Sorry Uncle Lewis. It was not a boy after all. In my arms, I held the baby girl I had always wanted: Niley Faith.