Taking Good Care of You is Taking Good Care of Baby.

It took me about a week to get out of the house after giving birth. I didn't desire or feel ready physically or emotionally to go anywhere until then. I was grateful for all that October sunshine in the Northwest. The sunshine on my porch kept me company, soothed me during this time of birth. Not only the birth of my child, but of myself as a mother.

The essence of being a mother is self sacrifice. Feeling empty and depleted from giving without receiving in balance, which is often the case in these first days, months, even years, the sunshine was a welcomed companion. I could receive the light, the warmth, from the sun.

Venturing out of the house for the first time on that sunny October day, I had on forgiving pants and a shirt I could easily pop a boob out of (this would be the focus of my attire for years to come), Niley swaddled close to my heart, Jon by my side, and our dog Meara leashed up and ready to go. It was great to get out, and it felt like an amazing accomplishment. I still felt like the bottom might fall out of me, a less terse way of saying my vagina still felt like it had been bulldozed. So I was moving slowly, but I was out and the fresh air was fabulous.

When we were out on walks those first weeks, I was overly concerned that Niley wasn't positioned right in the carrier. I kept adjusting the carrier, the baby - could she breathe okay?! It was VERY stressful. This anxiety, the heightened sense of awareness, is ingrained in us to ensure we keep our child alive. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

I knew that getting out of the house was key to my survival. Remember my analogy of likening birth to becoming a mother? As we strive to keep our child alive and thriving, we also do the same for ourselves. Motherhood is challenging in so many unexpected ways. I knew I was going to need support not only from mother earth in the form of sunshine, fresh air, earth under my feet, but other new moms and genuine professionals.

I was set to start a PEPS group (program for early parent support) in order to commune weekly with other new moms in my area. Across town, I attended weekly classes led by Ann Keppler, RN and Co-author of Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn, who would answer our questions and assure us our experiences were normal. I went for walks daily rain or shine. I started to meet up with my new best friend (another new mom) and we would drink coffee in the morning and sometimes beer in the afternoon. I was going to stay sane!

What I didn't realize at the time was that the flip side of postpartum depression is anxiety. Baby blues are common in the first weeks after giving birth and are significantly more manageable than postpartum depression. With postpartum depression, think: more bad days than good. And like anything, there is a spectrum. I knew some moms who were seeing a counselor they raved about and I remember thinking, maybe I should do that… I am still not even sure if I experienced postpartum depression. I did have some disturbing thoughts but they would flow out of my mind unobstructed. They were not a whirlpool pulling me under.

My best friend at the time did experience postpartum depression that first year so I knew things could have been worse. Left untreated, postpartum depression can linger for years. And in the worst of cases, like it did for one of my best friend's sisters, lead to suicide. Postpartum depression is real, it is under-diagnosed, not openly talked about, and if you seek help, you will get better. To find support in your area go to www.postpartum.net. If not for yourself, seek help for your baby because taking good care of you is taking good care of baby.