Mothering as Meditation

Once the fog had lifted, reality set in. Jon had already been back to work for a week and now my mom was about to leave after being with me for the past three. I felt panicked as she packed her things to go. The puzzle of my life had come apart and the pieces were morphing before my very eyes.

My sister told me that while I was in labor, she asked my doula if it was okay that she stayed in the room while I pushed Niley into breath. Her response was "she wouldn't care if a marching band walked through here right now". Hilarious, right? And totally spot on.

I had all sorts of opinions before going into labor that became obsolete in the state yogis call Dhyana or meditative absorption. Without drugs and in the second "pushing" stage of labor, there is no alternative but to be completely one with what is happening. No room for the monkey mind.

So here I was, in the house alone all day with my new baby. I had a continually adjusting routine to get out of the house, but for the most part my house was my work space, a one woman show, with a very demanding boss. Mothering would become my meditation.

The piece of my puzzle with me and my asana practice dwindled in size. I started to attend the postnatal yoga class of the same space and time I had previously taught with Niley in my belly. On the flip side of the class experience, I found myself hoping Niley would stay asleep so I could practice but mostly I just held her, fed her, realizing that was not going to happen.

Day to day there was little time for myself nor time to keep up on what one imagines the simplest tasks. Oftentimes when Niley would sleep, I would sleep with her, trying to make up for the sleepless nights. When I did stay awake, to keep Niley asleep, I would have to wear her close to my heart. Even when she was awake, I would often wear her in the carrier to keep her content. My posture was compromised by all tasks accomplished.

Not being able to get to my mat as often as my well-being demanded, mothering became my meditation. Tasks tackled that seemed mentally insurmountable; the thinking repeatedly shelved while the eyes saw, the hands felt, the nose, well, oftentimes scrunched in disgust. Meditation is a practice; the all powerful mind successfully weaseling its way back in. Practice never makes perfect but it does strengthen one's abilities and enhances one's enjoyment in the experience.

Cultivating presence in parenting tills the earth that is the foundation of family. Babies' big eyes are designed to pull us into the present moment. They mimic our sounds, our expressions and they need breaks like the rest of us when they turn their head. Like us, they need time to themselves to engage with their surroundings, practice their skills, and to know themselves. With them in a safe space, use that time for you and when you are with them, be there with them.